Before I got married , if I told someone that I had never stayed overnight with Lester and that we hadn’t had sex and intended to wait until we were married they were shocked. On more than one occasion I was told, “Hey you have to test drive it before you sign up for good. What if you don’t like it or him?” To them it seemed perfectly reasonable. Sure that might seem like a logical precaution to take if you feel like a relationship is something you can do away with when things aren’t to your standard. But as a Christian I am told to be long-suffering, patient, and kind no matter what my circumstances are. This is always a requirement, not only when things are easy or the sex is great.
Lester and I met 5 years ago while serving on the maintenance ministry at our church. True story. After about 6 months we started officially dating. Early on we decided to wait until we were married to have sex or live together. This is what we were taught as Christians and it was definitely reaffirmed by our mothers. So it was great that we were on the same page! However I thought we would be together for a year or two max before we got married. He didn’t exactly have the same idea. We were together for 3 1/2 years before he finally proposed. We got married 6 months later.
Now I won’t make it seem like we were perfect and only held hands the whole time. But overall we did our best to respect each other the way that we knew we were supposed to based on the Bible. The spending the night part was a bit more challenging for me. When we first started dating it was easy. I lived with my mom, he lived with family. So it was a non issue. But later on he moved into his own place and I did too. His apartment was closer to one of my jobs. Or there were times when we would go to an event together and would be returning late. We didn’t live near each other. So I would sometimes just want to stay over but sleep separately. He said no, and honestly I knew that wasn’t the right decision. So that was that.
Would I suggest waiting that long to get married while also waiting to have sex and live together? No. But now that I’ve made it to the other side, I can say that it was absolutely the right decision for us. I really believe that part of the success of our marriage is that we took the time to really get to know each other, and to see each other through many life events. He also did not give into my pressure to propose before he was truly ready. Now we are married without regrets or uneasiness. But knowing that that was the right decision for us did nothing to make waiting any easier!
Anywho, I don’t want this post to get too long. So I will save the rest of the story for the next post. Stay tuned!